Have you ever been face-to-face with a “bully”?
Most of us have.
And I’m not just talking about the mutant 5th grader and his group of “future degenerates of America” laughing over top of you as you lay there in the dirt, wiping the blood from your nose.
Bullies come in all shapes, types, and sizes..
The obnoxious boss… the controlling spouse… the abusive parent…
And then there’s the truly “dangerous” kind – the bully who never grew up and, even as an adult, gets his kicks by creating a public scene to humiliate you… to make you cower… to look “tough” in front of his friends and anyone else watching.
It could be over the parking space he swears you stole out from under him… or the accidental *bump* at the bar or sporting event… or even the “Were you just checking out my wife?!” trigger.
If you ever find yourself eyeball-to-chest with a bully who’s twice your size, your first response is going to make or break your ability to avoid a potential assault.
That’s why I want to show you. . .
The 3 Ways To Deal With A “Bully” (But Only 1 Actually WORKS!)…
Ok, before I go into the 3 ways to respond to a bully, here’s what you must understand about them:
They’re psychologically “weak”.
It’s actually their own insecurity that makes them want to abuse other people so they can feel better about themselves.
This helps them to feel in control.
But while most bullies ARE cowards deep down, that doesn’t mean they aren’t VERY dangerous… and there’s ALWAYS the possibility of physical violence!
So, when you’re confronted by a potentially VIOLENT bully, you basically have 3 options for how you respond:
1. Anger And Aggression
It’s only natural to get angry when someone tries to push you around, right?
You want to get right back in their face… insult them back… make them feel the way they made YOU feel.
You want “payback”.
While that thought may feel empowering, the reality is that insulting a bully or making him “lose face” in front of his friends just makes him feel pressured to take his attack to the next level.
In other words, it could push things into a physical confrontation.
FAIL!
2. Fear And Passivity
This next response is something I blame on our schools and today’s society…
Too much of the “anti-bullying” literature out there, including what they teach our kids in schools, is basically just rolling over for bullies.
The idea is that, if you give in to the bully and don’t stand up for yourself, you at least won’t be guilty of making things worse.
That’s why school “zero tolerance” programs are such a bad idea.
They punish BOTH the kid who started a fight AND the kid who got picked on.
That attitude carries over into adult life too…
But showing fear or passivity to a bully is basically like blood in the water to a shark…
It gets the bully “high” on how much fun it is to push you around, because most bullies are cowards who like helpless victims.
Fear and passivity just makes everything worse for you. . . and because bullies love a guaranteed “win,” it also increases the chance they’ll make things physical because they know there’s no risk to them!
If you look like “lunch”… you WILL get eaten!
(I have a video I’ll show you in a few seconds that demonstrates PERFECTLY why this is a dangerously bad idea!)
3. Confidence And Assertiveness
The only response to a bully that actually WORKS is assertiveness.
This is, in a way, a reflection of your own self-image.
If you have a strong self-image, if you are very confident, then you’ll be able to stand up for yourself without feeling the need to be insulting to your aggressor.
You’ll be able to look him in the eye, show now fear, and make it clear that, while you’re not looking to challenge him, you’re also not his “bitch.”
The next time some thug twice your size snarls, “What the f**k are you looking at?!” you won’t try to make a joke…
You won’t hit back with an insult…
You won’t escalate the situation…
You’ll simply be calm, assertive, and in control – defusing the situation so that you don’t HAVE to fight.
But here’s the critical key to making this work…
You can’t “project” confidence if you’re not 100% sure that – if you had to – you could handle a much larger attacker if he decides to attack anyway.
You can’t fake it.
If he decides he’s not going to back down like most cowardly bullies…
…you MUST be able to take him down!
Unfortunately, most people don’t possess the self-defense skills that TRULY work against even someone who is bigger and stronger than you (as most bullies are).
When they’re eyeball-to-chest with a bully twice their size and strength, you can literally SEE their self-confidence getting eaten away.
For example, watch the guy in this video as he’s bullied by a bigger attacker…
I use this example in my “Defeat Larger Attackers” DVD because it’s one of the best examples I’ve ever seen for the WRONG way to deal with a bully…
… and this guy PAYS for it!
Dearly!
When you watch the video, think about how to NOT be “that guy”.
- How would YOU have de-escalated the fight?
- What mistakes did the “victim” make BEFORE he was attacked?
- And how would YOU have responded when you realized that there was no backing out?
It’s always best to learn from other peoples’ mistakes and this guy in the video makes a LOT of them… so watch the video and put yourself in this guy’s shoes.
I think you’ll have a whole new perspective on the RIGHT way to respond to a bully, eh?
